My Everyday Runway

four months ago, i took a leap of faith and i applied for a job that fit nowhere into my plan and seemed completely beyond reach.  three months ago, i flew to denver and interviewed for that job i had no idea if i would get. i got the job that day. i cried and called my parents.  two months ago, i began the most intensive training of my life and didn't think i could pass.  one month ago, i passed. i earned my wings. i moved to a new state all alone and started a job i never thought i could have at twenty.  and today, here i am. working a job that feels like a dream some days and is so incredibly difficult the next.  i miss my family every morning when i wake up and brushing my teeth in the airport restroom will never not be weird to me. seeing the world from the cockpit window is an experience so breathtaking i can't put it into words and getting to explore parts of the country i've never stepped foot in before is something i am grateful and excited for.  i...

the woman at the market this morning asked me if i was doing okay.  how did she know?  could she see it?  the deep sadness inside. the low-level hum of discontent. the nights i've cried myself to sleep this week, the phone calls that broke me down, and the hard goodbyes that both haunt and await me.  her voice was a wake-up call. a gentle reminder that, no i am not okay, as much as i try to say that i am.  i don't know why love hits me so hard, heartbreak destroys me, and good doesn't ever seem good enough.  these days should be so sweet, they say. you're young and free and why shouldn't you be happy? he's so cute, enjoy this and don't take it too seriously. you're asking too much. you are  too much.  i don't know why the voices of the world seem so loud. so dismissive, so hurtful, so ruthless. i don't know why the gentle, kind voice of God seems so far away sometimes.  i don't know why when you open your heart to someone new it can sting so ...

i haven't sat down to write in a long time, so i'm not going to lie... this feels very weird. but a part of me just knows that this is exactly what i need to do- write and just see what comes out. this semester has been a crazy one, and i am finding myself wondering where the time has gone. how is it already november? the last few months have been full of growth and change but i've sometimes felt too busy to even stop and process it.  when i do take a moment to stop and reflect, i find myself so proud of the ways in which i've grown and matured. just like in any other season of my life, there have been days full of genuine joy, and others which have been a battle to fight through. some situations, i know i could have handled better. others, i look back and thank Jesus that he gave me the strength to do exactly what i needed to do in the moment, even when it was extremely difficult.  change and growth have always really scared me. i cherish people, places, and memories o...

i've always been the kind of person who holds on. both figuratively and literally, i hold on tight. i'm pretty sure i caused a boy i once knew to lose circulation when i held onto his wrist with all my strength as we went on a terrifying ride at the mall of america. year after year, i grip my sister's hand as we make our annual jump off the dock into the freezing lake water to kick off summer. i remember what it's like to hold that special someone's hand walking down the street and not want to let go.  i hold on to relationships until i absolutely can't anymore. i hold on to hope that things will change, that people will come back to me in the ways that i want them too. i hold on to what i thought  things or people would be.  there is something to be said about holding on. holding on can be beautiful, a sign of loyalty and commitment. it can be a sign of strength and perseverance to hold on even when things are difficult. there are some things i truly believe we...

hey friends. i'm so glad you're here.  it's been a while, i know. but tonight, i think i've found my words again.  ---- after the messiest few months of my life, i know more than ever before what it feels like to be fully, painfully and wonderfully alive.  the truth is, the beauty and love and pain and heartbreak that have come along with that simple yet profound truth have taken my breath away at times. the very things that have never changed for me, changed. my words, which used to be a solace, turned into something i couldn't even write without second-guessing every one of them. my heart turned from filled with butterflies to shattered on the floor.  i made mistakes, i doubted myself. i took risks and experienced some of the sweetest moments of my life, along with ones that tore at the very core of who i am.  all along the way i would ask myself, why does this hurt so much? isn't love supposed to be simple? isn't summer supposed to be the time of my life?...

Today, my sweet friend Annika Richardson will be sharing her words as a guest blogger. Thank you, Annika, for sharing your heart and the good news of Jesus! Let's dive right in. --------------- When all of this corona craziness started, I wasn’t really sure what was actually happening and I surely had no idea that it could eventually come so close and affect my life. I first heard about COVID-19 in February when it was running rampant in China, but I did not notice the severity of what was happening nor did I consider the possibility that the U.S. could be affected in the same way.  Now, here I am, stuck at my house. In the past few weeks I have felt extreme disappointment, frustration, anger, bitterness, sadness, loneliness, fear, and isolation. These feelings aren’t bad, it is okay to feel these emotions, but what we do with them is so key. The first week or so of being home and practicing social distancing I was miserable. I moped around and did not ...