No Longer Defined by my Schedule • Annika Richardson

Today, my sweet friend Annika Richardson will be sharing her words as a guest blogger. Thank you, Annika, for sharing your heart and the good news of Jesus! Let's dive right in.

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When all of this corona craziness started, I wasn’t really sure what was actually happening and I surely had no idea

that it could eventually come so close and affect my life. I first heard about COVID-19 in February when it was running

rampant in China, but I did not notice the severity
of what was happening nor did I consider the possibility
that the U.S.

could be affected in the same way. 

Now, here I am, stuck at my house. In the past
few weeks I have felt extreme disappointment, frustration, anger, bitterness,

sadness, loneliness, fear, and isolation. These
feelings aren’t bad, it is okay to feel these emotions, but what we do with them is so key. The first week or so of being home and practicing social distancing
I was miserable. I moped around and did not have any
desire

to do anything whatsoever. Usually I am a pretty
optimistic person, but the idea of quarantine stretched me to the point

where I couldn’t even fake a smile. I allowed my
emotions to consume me and I spent my time stewing
over all that I

was sad and frustrated about. 

Losing time with my best friends who will soon be heading off for college, 

missing out on exciting new things like playing
basketball with my cousin, 

favorite events being cancelled, 

dream-concerts being postponed, 

...not to mention all of the little things that I miss
so much. 

I soon realized that I cannot allow my emotions to have such influence over my actions and outlook. Emotions are always changing (especially right now - my goodness, I have been on quite the emotional
roller coaster!)

but we can’t allow them to take control of us
or determine much of what we say and do. 

Right now we are at the point where, for me this means no school, no basketball, no friend time,
no violin lessons,

no church, no family gatherings, no youth group,
no spring break trips, and even summer trips
are up in the air. 

I feel like my life has been flipped upside down.

 In a sense this is not entirely incorrect. I am very very VERY extroverted and completely cutting off social
interaction and stopping all activities
has been more difficult than I could’ve imagined.
I LOVE school and not being able to go

has been one of the biggest challenges for me.
(Clearly I have not had to face very much adversity in my lifetime yet;)

Usually, I am with people as much as possible. 

My life has been defined by my schedule. 

I am a busy person and I LIKE to be busy. I find
purpose in my busy schedule and I enjoy the excitement

and adrenaline of running from place to place.
I try to squeeze as much as I can in the 24 hours I
am given everyday.

Now that I seriously have stopped my life, jumped
a full 180
in a short time, I have learned some things. 

I am prideful. 

I am not good at asking for help or even realizing when I need to ask for help.

 I am not good at admitting that I am struggling
in the midst of a hard time or bad day. 

I place my identity in things that cannot satisfy.

 I look for my worth in all the wrong places. 

I compare myself because I lack security in my
worth and identity. 

I find purpose in the things I do and in the
busyness of life. 

Overall what I have found is my contentment is
tied to all of these things: my worth, my identity,
and my purpose.

And it would come as no surprise that some of
these past few weeks have been among the worst ever.

I have felt like a failure, I have felt worthless,
I have felt lost and without purpose, and
I have felt lonely. Very lonely. 

As I have gone through different ups and downs and succeeded and failed in different areas of life these
past few years,

I have posed a series of questions to myself:
If I put my life on pause, dropped out of all activities and
stopped everything,

(sports, music, school, friends, youth group,
grilled cheese cooking class...just kidding...I wish I was in a
grilled cheese

cooking class though...maybe after the corona
craziness I’ll start one;)) and moved to some cabin in the woods somewhere, what would I do? 

It may sound like a joke, but what I am really
trying to get at is who I am. Who am I? Where is my
identity?

What do I live for? What is my purpose? What am I striving for? Where do I find my worth? 

Recently, I have been finding that my identity too often lies in how good of a friend I am

and consequently my worth is defined by my friends and what they say of me.

 I am an enneagram type 2 (the helper) wing 7
(the enthusiast) and I pride myself on

being a good friend and bringing joy to others by
being fun and dreaming up adventures.
I find purpose in loving

others well and encouraging and supporting
friends.
While it isn’t bad to support and love and encourage
others,

it becomes unhealthy and sinful when I find my
identity in being a

good friend, and my worth in what my friends
think of me. 

Far too often I look to the approval of others to
verify my worth.

 I look to my friends to appreciate me and tell me I am loved.

I struggle with feeling left out.

When I can’t be there to love and support people,

and when I am not making things fun for others
I feel like I am a failure. 

But here’s the truth: I have everything I need in
Christ. He alone can fulfill and satisfy me.

 I’ve always contemplated what it LOOKS like to
have your identity in Christ. I asked my mom what it looks like

and she responded saying that having your
identity in Christ means that even if you have nothing,
you are content

and satisfied in Jesus. 

When I lose sight of that truth, I ask the people
around me to be my own personal messiah,
to hold my identity,

worth, and hope, to be what they could never and were never created to be.

Jeremiah 2:13 says “for my people have
committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters,

and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken
cisterns that can hold no water.” My friends are broken
like I am,

and I can’t expect them to do what they were not created to do. 

Only God can satisfy.

 Only in him do I find purpose on days where I
have nothing planned.

 Only in him can I feel loved when I have had no
social interaction and would otherwise feel lonely.

 Only in him can I feel enough when I fall short in sports, music, school, and relationships. 

God has been teaching me how I desperately
need him. Nothing else can satisfy me.

My life is about so much more than anything this world has to offer me. My life is about more than what people think of me, what school I get into, what happens in the government, sports world, at school, or with my health. 

My life is about trusting the God who eternally
values me.

 In church a few weeks ago (online of course;))
we sang the hymn

“‘Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus” and I have been clinging to these words since then.

Isn’t that SUCH a sweet truth in this time when we are in a global pandemic! It is so sweet that while

everything around us is shaking and unsteady, we can look to the one who is unchanging. 

We don’t have to be afraid of sickness or death because we trust the One who CONQUERED death!

I have been reminded over and over that God has a plan for us, a plan for good and not for harm, to give us a

future and a hope! 

He works things together for good. 

He has a purpose. 

A verse that has been so comforting to me is John 16:33.
In verse 33 Jesus says, “I have said these things to you,

that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the
world.” 

When I am uncertain and anxious about the future and how this will affect my life,
I am brought back to how sweet

it is that I can trust Jesus. He is not surprised by
this “novel” coronavirus. It is nothing new to him and it is not unknown

to him. We are anxious because we lack knowledge about the virus (we don't know exactly how it is
spreading and

how to stop it) and we lack power over the virus (we don’t have a cure or a vaccine to prevent it). But isn’t
it comforting

that God holds ALL knowledge and ALL power?! 

He who created this earth and knows everything
that will ever happen. He who counts every hair on
your head

and numbers every grain of sand. 

He has a plan and a purpose in this hard and
frustrating time. We need to be open to what he has to
teach us

in this time when our lives are wayyy slowed down.
Take time to seek him and his purpose and his will.
His will is good,

his will is perfect, his will is pleasing. God knows what we need better than we do.
Seek first his kingdom and his

righteousness. 

God guarantees mercy today for trouble today,
and mercy tomorrow for trouble tomorrow
(Matthew 6:25-34,

Philippians 4:6-7). 

His mercies are new every morning and we can
trust his promises.   

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, 

Just to take Him at His Word, 

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord!"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,

Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend

Annika Richardson

Grade 11