you are not alone :)

the woman at the market this morning asked me if i was doing okay. 
how did she know? 
could she see it? 
the deep sadness inside. the low-level hum of discontent. the nights i've cried myself to sleep this week, the phone calls that broke me down, and the hard goodbyes that both haunt and await me. 

her voice was a wake-up call. a gentle reminder that, no i am not okay, as much as i try to say that i am. 

i don't know why love hits me so hard, heartbreak destroys me, and good doesn't ever seem good enough. 
these days should be so sweet, they say. you're young and free and why shouldn't you be happy? he's so cute, enjoy this and don't take it too seriously. you're asking too much. you are too much. 

i don't know why the voices of the world seem so loud. so dismissive, so hurtful, so ruthless. i don't know why the gentle, kind voice of God seems so far away sometimes. 

i don't know why when you open your heart to someone new it can sting so bad. i don't know why we are allowed to fall for people we don't end up with. i don't know why i can be made to feel so unloved for just being myself. i don't know why i have to wonder and wonder and wait and wait and never get the promised call.

i do know this, though. the deep-feeling core of who i am is never going to change. the girl who loves so deeply it hurts is not going anywhere. i would much rather feel everything than nothing at all. 
even on days like today, when it just really hurts.

if you're sad or lonely or hurting today, i'm right here with you. 

we got this <3

xx, 
gracie








Comments

  1. MomFebruary 6, 2022 at 3:04 PM

    You are not alone. It’s good to articulate your feelings and embrace where you are at
    There’s a place for you in this world. Don’t brush your feelings away. Be still with them. God is watching.

    ReplyDelete

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