combating mediocrity

moments. 

maybe you know the ones i'm talking about. moments that make your heart race and your face light up. 

the unexpected handwritten letter in your mailbox. the warm hug from an old friend. the crunching of leaves underneath your favorite fall boots. the wide smile from that boy. 

the perfect song on the drive home from a hard day, your problems retreating further and further away in the rearview mirror. 

how sweet are these. 

how sweet are these. 

but yet, maybe there's another kind of moment you thought of earlier. 

the heartfelt text followed by a "wrong number". the friend who used to hug you passing by but now seems preoccupied by whatever is so fascinating on the ceiling of your high school hallway. when it seems to be one hundred degrees out the one day you decide to pull out the cute fall coat, yet freezing on the day you want to wear the dress. when that boy puts his head down and ignores you. when you get in the car and only the noise of the loud advertisements on the radio seem to merely exasperate your hard day. 

how hard are these. 

how hard are these. 

but do you want to know what i think? these aren't the worst. they're bad, yes. they're hard, yes.

 but you know what is worse than bad? mediocre. 

a "meh" day. an "i got through it" tuesday afternoon. four hours of excruciatingly boring homework at a desk.  a night that was destined for so much more but ended with a wave and a "see ya later" 

that, to me, is the worst.

the worst.

i like to think of mediocrity in terms of a breakup. if we're being honest with ourselves, wouldn't we all rather have a screaming and crying outside in the rain at 11pm on a summer saturday night type breakup rather than the "i think this is over, if it ever even began- sorry" breakup text at 4pm on a monday? 

yeah, i thought so. 

sure, the 4pm on a monday text is easier to handle. it's easier to never reply and say "i never even liked him anyways!!" it's so much easier to push aside. 

but the screaming and crying in the rain at 11pm on a summer saturday? sorry, girl, but that's gonna be a lot harder to forget. a lot harder to move on from. a lot harder to act like that one never happened. because guess what? 

it was real. 

it was raw. 

it was far from mediocre. 

yes, it was pain. but didn't it also make your heart beat faster and make you wonder how you could ever love and hate someone so much at the same time? didn't it make you cry and reflect and think a little deeper about these indescribable things called life and love?

and that, my dear, is why i'm tired of settling for mediocre. 

because, even if it hurts, i want the screaming and crying on a rainy summer saturday type breakup. i want the surprises in airports that make my heart jump out of my chest and the texts that say, "let's go" rather than "how was it?" i want the perfect fall coat, even if it costs me 4 paychecks to buy it. i want the birthday parties that involve lots of cake and karaoke, and the nights that end with a "how we will we ever top this?" but also a knowing look that says, just somehow, we will. 

mediocrity hurts more than a painful moment ever will. 

mediocrity gets comfortable with you and tries to never leave your side. 

pain and joy and excitement and anticipation are fleeting. they don't last forever. but do we really want them to? 

because maybe, just maybe, the most special things in life are just moments. 

moments that surpass mediocrity. 

moments that make you feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest, 

and others that make you feel like the only girl in the world.

so,  how do we get those moments? 

we combat mediocrity. 

we combat mediocrity by saying "yes please" to the unexpected date. we combat mediocrity by saying what we feel and not holding anything back, despite the risk that comes with vulnerability. we combat mediocrity by making hard choices and saying goodbye to that which does not bring joy or wholeness. we combat mediocrity by breaking the routine. driving a new route home. stopping at a park on your way to work just to rest and be outside. we combat mediocrity by finding what it is that fills us and doing more of that. 

combating mediocrity is hard. i'm working on it. i've felt far too much of it lately. but from this day forward, i'm fighting it. 

because i promise you- your life is not mediocre. 

it is exciting and thrilling and fun and gleeful and there is no way you're going to let mediocrity take that over. 

xx, gracie

(pictured: a far from mediocre moment for me :)