welcoming december and the question "who are you"
Welcoming any new month is a bittersweet feeling. And for some reason, December is an especially difficult month for me to welcome with joy. This seems so wrong, with Christmas right around the corner and all of the festivities that come with the month. But I can't help but remind myself that this is the last month of the year. I've spent 11 months of 2018 leading me here.
When I think about myself and my life at this point last year (or pretty much at the beginning of this year), it blows my mind. I don't use that phrase a lot, but when I do I really mean it. I think about my school, my family, my friends, my blog, my home, my habits, but the most crazy change to me is my thoughts and even my personality.
A lot of things haven't changed. I still love waffles more than any other food, I'm still an introvert at heart, and I still love dancing to Taylor Swift music any chance I can get.
But, I feel things in my soul have changed. I know, so deep. But, really. I somehow feel like I've aged 20 years mentally in one short year. I think about my views on a lot of things from last year and I realize how much I have grown. From what I think of high school, my thoughts on college, friends, popularity, and people have all drastically changed.
For example, last year I thought that college was the only road to success after high school (the biggest lie EVER). I thought that people with a lot of friends were more happy than I was (another biggest lie EVER). I thought my school life defined my actual life and I thought I needed to have one thing that defined me. (the ultimate biggest lie EVER).
The biggest question I couldn't answer was "Who are you?"
I thought I either need to be the smart girl, the runner girl, the violin girl, the fashion girl, etc...
And I was terrified because I didn't feel that any of these things could describe me. When people ask this question, a lot of the time they want an easy answer. They want you to say, "Oh I play hockey and sing in the choir" or "I'm going to Yale and I have a 4.5 GPA" or "I play violin and and am on the nordic ski team." They hear these things and nod understandably. They love hearing that you have one or two passions that you have devoted your life to.
I've always felt pressure to find that easy answer that people are looking for. I've tried going "all in" on a sport or instrument, and it just wasn't me. Over the course of this year, I've learned to think about this question differently. I wrote out my authentic answer to the question below.
I'm Gracie. I love Jesus and I love to write. I'm a big fan of summer, and I have to say July is the best month of the year. Celebrating birthdays is quite possibly my favorite activity, and I haven't gone one day this school year without using my planner. I would much rather stay in than go out, and I hate "pep-fests". I can't stand the routine, and I love surprises. I watch rom-coms like it's a sport, and I'm trying to keep a journal everyday but it's proving to be very difficult. My sister is my best friend and we basically have combined our closets into one. I hate driving, especially when it requires backing up or going over 35. Coffee makes me sick, but I love chocolate milk or lemon water. I play violin, and sometimes I love it and sometimes I don't touch it for 2 weeks. I love playing Christmas music and Lumineers songs with my sister. I like running, but only if there's good music and a slow pace. I would much rather write at a coffee shop (like right now!) than at home. For my dream Christmas present, I would spend a full day of quality time with everyone I love. I love New York and Savannah, and would visit either place every month if I could. My family is beyond dear to me, and I love shopping (online!) and putting together my outfits. I love very strongly, and I share anything and everything with people I care about, sometimes even when I just met them. I think acting on your heart rather than your mind is the way to go, and I honestly hate Snapchat. I love going to farmer's markets and buying flowers- colorful bouquets and lots of pink peonies. I dream of the day a boy comes to my doorstep with them, but for now I'm happy buying them myself. I'm a spender, not a saver (working on it :) and I'm not a huge fan of swimming. I have the worst handwriting ever, but am working on my hand-lettering. Being selfish and having a "I gotta get mine" attitude is the most unattractive quality in a person to me, and I love when people can be vulnerable and wear their heart on their sleeve. If you're my friend, I want you to tell me everything and vice versa. I love Parks and Recreation and Friends. Sometimes I wish I could sew and go on Project Runway, other times I want to be a news anchor, and other times I want to be Anna Wintour. I'm still figuring things out.
So props to you if you read that whole thing! I did not expect it to be that long, but I found it very freeing to write about things I rarely get to write about. I obviously would never respond to a question with that long of an answer, but I am working on being more authentic with my answer and not just telling people what they want to hear.
I challenge you to write out your answer for the question "Who are You" and I think you will be surprised with how good it feels to write authentically about yourself.
I think this time of year is the perfect time to reflect and go into the new month with gratitude.
So, no matter how you're feeling welcoming in this new month of December- I challenge you to look at the year that has passed. How have you changed for the better? For the worse? What do you want to do differently tomorrow, next month, next year? Think about who you are, and how you can answer that question authentically.
When I think about myself and my life at this point last year (or pretty much at the beginning of this year), it blows my mind. I don't use that phrase a lot, but when I do I really mean it. I think about my school, my family, my friends, my blog, my home, my habits, but the most crazy change to me is my thoughts and even my personality.
A lot of things haven't changed. I still love waffles more than any other food, I'm still an introvert at heart, and I still love dancing to Taylor Swift music any chance I can get.
But, I feel things in my soul have changed. I know, so deep. But, really. I somehow feel like I've aged 20 years mentally in one short year. I think about my views on a lot of things from last year and I realize how much I have grown. From what I think of high school, my thoughts on college, friends, popularity, and people have all drastically changed.
For example, last year I thought that college was the only road to success after high school (the biggest lie EVER). I thought that people with a lot of friends were more happy than I was (another biggest lie EVER). I thought my school life defined my actual life and I thought I needed to have one thing that defined me. (the ultimate biggest lie EVER).
The biggest question I couldn't answer was "Who are you?"
I thought I either need to be the smart girl, the runner girl, the violin girl, the fashion girl, etc...
And I was terrified because I didn't feel that any of these things could describe me. When people ask this question, a lot of the time they want an easy answer. They want you to say, "Oh I play hockey and sing in the choir" or "I'm going to Yale and I have a 4.5 GPA" or "I play violin and and am on the nordic ski team." They hear these things and nod understandably. They love hearing that you have one or two passions that you have devoted your life to.
I've always felt pressure to find that easy answer that people are looking for. I've tried going "all in" on a sport or instrument, and it just wasn't me. Over the course of this year, I've learned to think about this question differently. I wrote out my authentic answer to the question below.
I'm Gracie. I love Jesus and I love to write. I'm a big fan of summer, and I have to say July is the best month of the year. Celebrating birthdays is quite possibly my favorite activity, and I haven't gone one day this school year without using my planner. I would much rather stay in than go out, and I hate "pep-fests". I can't stand the routine, and I love surprises. I watch rom-coms like it's a sport, and I'm trying to keep a journal everyday but it's proving to be very difficult. My sister is my best friend and we basically have combined our closets into one. I hate driving, especially when it requires backing up or going over 35. Coffee makes me sick, but I love chocolate milk or lemon water. I play violin, and sometimes I love it and sometimes I don't touch it for 2 weeks. I love playing Christmas music and Lumineers songs with my sister. I like running, but only if there's good music and a slow pace. I would much rather write at a coffee shop (like right now!) than at home. For my dream Christmas present, I would spend a full day of quality time with everyone I love. I love New York and Savannah, and would visit either place every month if I could. My family is beyond dear to me, and I love shopping (online!) and putting together my outfits. I love very strongly, and I share anything and everything with people I care about, sometimes even when I just met them. I think acting on your heart rather than your mind is the way to go, and I honestly hate Snapchat. I love going to farmer's markets and buying flowers- colorful bouquets and lots of pink peonies. I dream of the day a boy comes to my doorstep with them, but for now I'm happy buying them myself. I'm a spender, not a saver (working on it :) and I'm not a huge fan of swimming. I have the worst handwriting ever, but am working on my hand-lettering. Being selfish and having a "I gotta get mine" attitude is the most unattractive quality in a person to me, and I love when people can be vulnerable and wear their heart on their sleeve. If you're my friend, I want you to tell me everything and vice versa. I love Parks and Recreation and Friends. Sometimes I wish I could sew and go on Project Runway, other times I want to be a news anchor, and other times I want to be Anna Wintour. I'm still figuring things out.
So props to you if you read that whole thing! I did not expect it to be that long, but I found it very freeing to write about things I rarely get to write about. I obviously would never respond to a question with that long of an answer, but I am working on being more authentic with my answer and not just telling people what they want to hear.
I challenge you to write out your answer for the question "Who are You" and I think you will be surprised with how good it feels to write authentically about yourself.
I think this time of year is the perfect time to reflect and go into the new month with gratitude.
So, no matter how you're feeling welcoming in this new month of December- I challenge you to look at the year that has passed. How have you changed for the better? For the worse? What do you want to do differently tomorrow, next month, next year? Think about who you are, and how you can answer that question authentically.
cheers to december
gracie
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