sixteen
sixteen.
the year of fearless.
the year of unapologetic joy.
here's what sixteen is to me.
sixteen is my favorite birthday party i've ever thrown. it's white tretorns (like my mom wore in high school) every. single. day. it's taking a moonlit canoe ride with my grandma and falling asleep at many drive-in movie theaters. sixteen to me is the most memorable road trip i have ever taken. seeing the u.p of michigan-leaving my phone and worries behind. it's kayaking the beautiful lake superior with a sweet boy and eating the most delicious pasty of my life.
sixteen to me is packing boxes in the kitchen of my childhood home- saying goodbye after all those years of memories i will never forget. it's crying sitting on our old back patio with my doggies right before we left the driveway for the last time.
it's the most painstaking drive of my life. an emotional breakdown in culvers. it's saying goodbye to all i've ever known-- headed towards all i have never met.
sixteen is saying hello to a grand new adventure.
sixteen to me is camping with my cousins in the roo and looking for frank (hello if u r reading this- i mean kinda awkward not gonna lie but hello anyways!!) it's laughing with 'the gang' until i am about to hyperventilate and dancing to the backstreet boys so many times that i will not even try to count.
sixteen to me is our new home. my pink room i love so much that every time i walk in it makes my heart flutter. (did not mean to sound like a hallmark card and 19th century poet all in one there-- but look at that- i did it anyways!!!) it's having an organized closet and designing a gallery wall with a few of my most favorite pieces of art- all attached to the best of memories. it's going to applebees for the first time. it's being more spontaneous with life, and dancing in the street with some of my favorite girls. it's my first bible study and journaling everyday. it's looking back on those journals to write this right now.
sixteen year old me loves love. it's a year for rom-coms, gone with the wind, and daydreaming about dreamy summer dates. it's buying a carrot dress, even though i hate carrots (and most vegetables sadly). it's finding the vintage shirtdress of my dreams, and a straw purse from a vintage drug store that i still can not get over. it's getting a little thrill getting dressed everyday- because how fun is fashion!?
sixteen to me is my first mission trip. it's experiencing the beauty of the cheyenne river reservation in south dakota and being so incredibly moved by God & His people, creation, and impact.
sixteen to me is taylor swift music more than ever. it's the reputation concert with my sister- aka the night i lost my voice five minutes in and my face hurt from smiling so much. it's kacey musgraves, the lumineers, and of course the backstreet boys. sixteen to me is parks and rec and waffles, because some things never change.
and the truth is-
i wouldn't be here without them all.
and for that, i am grateful.
sixteen to me is packing boxes in the kitchen of my childhood home- saying goodbye after all those years of memories i will never forget. it's crying sitting on our old back patio with my doggies right before we left the driveway for the last time.
it's the most painstaking drive of my life. an emotional breakdown in culvers. it's saying goodbye to all i've ever known-- headed towards all i have never met.
sixteen is saying hello to a grand new adventure.
sixteen to me is seeking comfort in the familiar. it's spending months looking for places to remind me of my past, people like the ones i knew before. but sixteen is also realizing that familiar is not offering growth. familiar is not the best. familiar is not getting me anywhere. so new people, new experiences, a new mindset- that is what sixteen is to me.
sixteen to me feels a little bit like starting over. meeting people who don't know my valley view middle school days of silver clogs and school news. it's wanting to keep that part of me & share it with others- having people know all the little parts of these sixteen years. it's starting to call minneapolis/st.paul "the cities" because apparently i've just become that country. sixteen to me is feeling a little bit like i live in stars hollow. (i will never get over how cute northfield is :) it's hosting galentines day in a tiny little apartment and watching la la land 15+ times. (did i hear someone say movie night??? i may have one in mind :)
sixteen to me is doing hard things and finding my strength through them. it's not stressing about the act or my ap test and realizing that i should have been not stressing about things all my life. it's volunteering in places i love, doing things that challenge me, learning lessons i wasn't expecting.
it's a love of film and getting to work on an amazingly cool internship. it's making a documentary about the farm and knowing what it feels like to work hard and have a finished product i adore.
sixteen is this blog. it's getting over the fear of what other people think and just putting it out there. it's sharing my words- the most authentic, vulnerable thing i have to offer- with others, in hopes that it leaves them with a smile, a new thought, or in a way- a new friend.
sixteen to me is a love of reading and going to the library often. (if i haven't tried to convince you to come to some sort of library event.. are we even friends??) it is the revival of my love for violin. it's irish fiddle and florence and the machine and classical suzuki. it's having the freedom to play in the way that i want to each day. sixteen to me is deca. it's trying something completely new and learning that, although blazers are not my best look, i had the best first year i could have asked for. it's finding a delicious waffle spot at state and taking pride in the fact that, after figuring it all out in a year, i made it.
sixteen to me is junior year- the study hall i loved and needed. the math class that took every bit of strength i had in me to keep going with. the endless times i wailed to anyone who would listen about the upcoming (or just taken) chemistry test. it's sitting on the bar stools during lunch, and every so often just looking around at my friends & thinking how lucky i am to have them. it's going to my first lacrosse game (sorry but i still don't understand), my first ultimate frisbee game, and celebrating my half birthday with a waffle party (to this day cannot get over this).
sixteen to me is gracie&shelby basically being known as one person. it's going to school with my sister for the first time in a while and absolutely loving it. it's all our dance parties while brushing our teeth, coloring during flex, and playing music together moments that i cherish so dearly.
sixteen to me is taking a while to meet people, and learning how to be patient. it's being invited to youth group- which is probably the best 'yes!' i have ever said. it's meeting so many people through that that i love and adore with my whole heart. it's saying one big "nice to meet you!" to northfield and finding my favorite spots around this beautiful little town. it's having an abundance of embarrassing, yet mostly hilarious boy stories. it's boys who make me cry- boys who make me smile and laugh- and many boys who do both. it's just going for it. it's fearless (or at least working on it).
sixteen to me is traveling across the world to beautiful paris, france and eating bread for literally the entire trip. (not an exaggeration in the least) it's listening to nuns singing in sacre coeur, eating laduree macaroons, and exploring the old cobblestone streets of a city that will make you feel like the most special girl in the world. it's looking out on the city atop the eiffel tower, and then watching that same tower from below- twinkling for the most magical five minutes of each night.
sixteen to me feels a little bit like starting over. meeting people who don't know my valley view middle school days of silver clogs and school news. it's wanting to keep that part of me & share it with others- having people know all the little parts of these sixteen years. it's starting to call minneapolis/st.paul "the cities" because apparently i've just become that country. sixteen to me is feeling a little bit like i live in stars hollow. (i will never get over how cute northfield is :) it's hosting galentines day in a tiny little apartment and watching la la land 15+ times. (did i hear someone say movie night??? i may have one in mind :)
sixteen to me is doing hard things and finding my strength through them. it's not stressing about the act or my ap test and realizing that i should have been not stressing about things all my life. it's volunteering in places i love, doing things that challenge me, learning lessons i wasn't expecting.
it's a love of film and getting to work on an amazingly cool internship. it's making a documentary about the farm and knowing what it feels like to work hard and have a finished product i adore.
sixteen is this blog. it's getting over the fear of what other people think and just putting it out there. it's sharing my words- the most authentic, vulnerable thing i have to offer- with others, in hopes that it leaves them with a smile, a new thought, or in a way- a new friend.
sixteen to me is a love of reading and going to the library often. (if i haven't tried to convince you to come to some sort of library event.. are we even friends??) it is the revival of my love for violin. it's irish fiddle and florence and the machine and classical suzuki. it's having the freedom to play in the way that i want to each day. sixteen to me is deca. it's trying something completely new and learning that, although blazers are not my best look, i had the best first year i could have asked for. it's finding a delicious waffle spot at state and taking pride in the fact that, after figuring it all out in a year, i made it.
sixteen to me is junior year- the study hall i loved and needed. the math class that took every bit of strength i had in me to keep going with. the endless times i wailed to anyone who would listen about the upcoming (or just taken) chemistry test. it's sitting on the bar stools during lunch, and every so often just looking around at my friends & thinking how lucky i am to have them. it's going to my first lacrosse game (sorry but i still don't understand), my first ultimate frisbee game, and celebrating my half birthday with a waffle party (to this day cannot get over this).
sixteen to me is gracie&shelby basically being known as one person. it's going to school with my sister for the first time in a while and absolutely loving it. it's all our dance parties while brushing our teeth, coloring during flex, and playing music together moments that i cherish so dearly.
sixteen to me is taking a while to meet people, and learning how to be patient. it's being invited to youth group- which is probably the best 'yes!' i have ever said. it's meeting so many people through that that i love and adore with my whole heart. it's saying one big "nice to meet you!" to northfield and finding my favorite spots around this beautiful little town. it's having an abundance of embarrassing, yet mostly hilarious boy stories. it's boys who make me cry- boys who make me smile and laugh- and many boys who do both. it's just going for it. it's fearless (or at least working on it).
sixteen to me is traveling across the world to beautiful paris, france and eating bread for literally the entire trip. (not an exaggeration in the least) it's listening to nuns singing in sacre coeur, eating laduree macaroons, and exploring the old cobblestone streets of a city that will make you feel like the most special girl in the world. it's looking out on the city atop the eiffel tower, and then watching that same tower from below- twinkling for the most magical five minutes of each night.
sixteen to me is camping with my cousins in the roo and looking for frank (hello if u r reading this- i mean kinda awkward not gonna lie but hello anyways!!) it's laughing with 'the gang' until i am about to hyperventilate and dancing to the backstreet boys so many times that i will not even try to count.
sixteen to me is our new home. my pink room i love so much that every time i walk in it makes my heart flutter. (did not mean to sound like a hallmark card and 19th century poet all in one there-- but look at that- i did it anyways!!!) it's having an organized closet and designing a gallery wall with a few of my most favorite pieces of art- all attached to the best of memories. it's going to applebees for the first time. it's being more spontaneous with life, and dancing in the street with some of my favorite girls. it's my first bible study and journaling everyday. it's looking back on those journals to write this right now.
sixteen year old me loves love. it's a year for rom-coms, gone with the wind, and daydreaming about dreamy summer dates. it's buying a carrot dress, even though i hate carrots (and most vegetables sadly). it's finding the vintage shirtdress of my dreams, and a straw purse from a vintage drug store that i still can not get over. it's getting a little thrill getting dressed everyday- because how fun is fashion!?
sixteen to me is my first mission trip. it's experiencing the beauty of the cheyenne river reservation in south dakota and being so incredibly moved by God & His people, creation, and impact.
sixteen to me is taylor swift music more than ever. it's the reputation concert with my sister- aka the night i lost my voice five minutes in and my face hurt from smiling so much. it's kacey musgraves, the lumineers, and of course the backstreet boys. sixteen to me is parks and rec and waffles, because some things never change.
truly, sixteen to me is right now.
it's sitting on my porch watching the sunset, realizing just how much it took me to get here.
all the dancing-in-the-street and singing-at-the-top-of-my-lungs moments,
but also all the cry-into-my-pillow-until-i-can't-anymore ones.
and the truth is-
i wouldn't be here without them all.
and for that, i am grateful.
xx, gracie
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