My Everyday Runway

four months ago, i took a leap of faith and i applied for a job that fit nowhere into my plan and seemed completely beyond reach.  three months ago, i flew to denver and interviewed for that job i had no idea if i would get. i got the job that day. i cried and called my parents.  two months ago, i began the most intensive training of my life and didn't think i could pass.  one month ago, i passed. i earned my wings. i moved to a new state all alone and started a job i never thought i could have at twenty.  and today, here i am. working a job that feels like a dream some days and is so incredibly difficult the next.  i miss my family every morning when i wake up and brushing my teeth in the airport restroom will never not be weird to me. seeing the world from the cockpit window is an experience so breathtaking i can't put it into words and getting to explore parts of the country i've never stepped foot in before is something i am grateful and excited for.  i...

the woman at the market this morning asked me if i was doing okay.  how did she know?  could she see it?  the deep sadness inside. the low-level hum of discontent. the nights i've cried myself to sleep this week, the phone calls that broke me down, and the hard goodbyes that both haunt and await me.  her voice was a wake-up call. a gentle reminder that, no i am not okay, as much as i try to say that i am.  i don't know why love hits me so hard, heartbreak destroys me, and good doesn't ever seem good enough.  these days should be so sweet, they say. you're young and free and why shouldn't you be happy? he's so cute, enjoy this and don't take it too seriously. you're asking too much. you are  too much.  i don't know why the voices of the world seem so loud. so dismissive, so hurtful, so ruthless. i don't know why the gentle, kind voice of God seems so far away sometimes.  i don't know why when you open your heart to someone new it can sting so ...